I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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