It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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