I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
