is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
