Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
