"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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