we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
