Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
