u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
me + whiskey = a bad person
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
