Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
