I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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