Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
