the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize