So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you had me at cake vodka
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
