isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize