I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
