Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
