they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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