I got chris browned last night
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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