Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
