we have officially lost it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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