Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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