summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
accomplished twins. life is a go
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
