I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
