And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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