He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
