i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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