I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
