Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
