I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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