he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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