if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize