sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
