I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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