Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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