I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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