just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
