You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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