shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
