i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize