I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
