and she was petting her beer can
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
