i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
