Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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