All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
