After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
