he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
