Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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