they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
