You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
