Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize