kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
