Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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