What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
