This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
