Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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