I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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