I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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