Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
