Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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