I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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