so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
