I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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