i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
