how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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