Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
