Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
