i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
