He told me they were just razor bumps!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
