it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
