My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
