he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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