have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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