You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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