Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I touched a dick in church today
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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