Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
