i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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