I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
