You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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