when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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