my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
