used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
