did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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