My room smells like vodka and shame
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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