first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
