i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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