as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
