You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
